The music of The Way We Fall – “Sadie”

We’re up to song number twelve from The Way We Fall‘s unofficial soundtrack: Joanna Newsom’s “Sadie”:

This is another song that’s more about the general feeling to me than a very literal connection to the story. The lyrics talk about death (“And ’til then we pray and suspend/The notion that these lives do never end”), the unpredictability of life (“And all that I knew/Is moving away from me/And all that I know/Is blowing like tumbleweed”), and the need to hold on to what’s important to us (“And you do lose/What you don’t hold”). I can imagine Kaelyn listening to “Sadie” toward the end of the book, and feeling both reassured and saddened by it.

Weekly link round-up – April 15, 2012

The best of what I shared on Twitter and Tumblr this week…

-Robin LaFevers talks about the many second chances in a writer’s life.

-Some thoughts on how men talk to women about food and their bodies and how that affects them.

-A whole bunch of news has just been release about J.K. Rowling’s upcoming adult novel.

-Very thought-provoking post about cover trends in YA novels and their possible negative connotations.

-A very true depiction of the intended purpose of group projects vs. the reality.

-Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 essential tips for writing.

The Ways We Struggle – Saundra Mitchell

Click here for an explanation of the The Ways We Struggle guest post series.

This week, please welcome Saundra Mitchell, author of the paranormal YA novels Shadowed Summer, The Vespertine, its sequel The Springsweet, and (coming in 2013) Aetherborne and Mistwalker. Saundra is also the editor of the forthcoming YA anthology, Defy The Dark. For almost fifteen years, she was the sole screenwriter for the Book of Stories, On the Road, Fresh Films and Girls in the Director’s Chair short film series. In her free time, she enjoys studying history, papermaking, and spending time with her husband and her two children. Today she talks about struggling with the feeling of being an imposter.

     

The Way I Struggle by Saundra Mitchell

There’s a psychological phenomenon called impostor syndrome. It’s not a mental defect or disease. It’s more a condition. When someone can’t internalize their accomplishments, when they believe they’re incompetent and are just waiting for people to figure out they’re a fraud. That’s impostor syndrome, and it’s particularly potent when you’re looking at a book that’s due and hating every single word of it.

There are so many gatekeepers in publishing, and so many people trying to get past them. And the fairytale stories abound. You know, the ones where somebody dreamed a book and wrote it, and twelve months later, they’re a New York Times Bestseller. So every time I leap a gatekeeper, there’s the moment when I feel like I’ve cheated. That it was luck. Or a hole in an editor’s schedule, or my agent’s particularly silver tongue that made it possible.

I learn more craft with each book I write. Which means the more I write, the worse I am at it*. I see so many more mistakes. So many more pitfalls to avoid. The first 20,000 words are when I’m the worst impostor. Sometimes the impending sense of disaster lifts once the exposition is done. Sometimes, every single word of a novel is torment. When I look at it and know: This is the book that will make my editor quit me, my agent fire me, and ruin my career.

Then Kirkus gives it a thumbs up and instead of celebrating, I wonder how they missed the disaster on those pages.

     

I suppose it’s only fair, though. Not as often, much more elusively, there are god moments. When the book comes easily, perfectly, everything is working. When there’s a light in my soul and fire in my fingers, and I’m living every single terrible simile and metaphor for inspiration. Those moments intoxicate and entice. They don’t make up for the fraud muse, but they balance it.

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Fortunately, there’s always the impostor syndrome — waiting in the dark. Lurking beneath the stairs. Licking its chops in anticipation of the next submission, the next exposition, the next gatekeeper in the distance.

That’s what I struggle with: the certainty that I’m not good enough to publish books for a living, and the paradox that I’m still doing it. I just hope that I realize the moment that I actually start to fail. Until then, I will doubt and do it anyway. The rewards are just too great.

*Theoretically, I’m getting better; I’m just more aware. But it sure doesn’t feel that way when I’m staring at a blank page and seeing all the mistakes that could fill it before I write a single word.

View all the The Ways We Struggle posts so far.

TeenBookCon this Saturday!

Just a quick reminder: If you’re in the Houston area, you can come see me at TeenBookCon this Saturday, April 14th! I’ll be on the Dystopia Rising panel with Michael Grant and Marissa Meyer, and there are tons of other awesome authors who’ll be presenting as well. And at the end of the day, we’ll all be signing books, and I’ll have some swag on hand for anyone who stops by to see me. 🙂

Check out the full schedule here. Hope you can make it!

Open for questions!

Like many authors, I get curious about what people are saying about my books. So now and then since The Way We Fall‘s release, I’ve checked out recent reader comments and reviews. It’s been great to see many of you enjoying the same things about the book that made me want to write it, and waiting enthusiastically for the sequel! And I’ve noticed that a fair number of comments and reviews include questions about the book. Things you wondered while reading, or weren’t entirely sure about.

Most of these questions, I could totally answer! But I have a firm policy of not intruding into reader spaces unless I’m expressly invited. So I thought I would create a space here, where anyone who has questions about The Way We Fall can ask — and have them answered. 🙂

Want to confirm your impressions of a character? Confused about one of the events in the book? Just curious why I had things happen one way and not another? If there’s anything at all you’ve been wondering, feel free to ask here in the comments, and I promise to respond. (And if for some reason you’d rather not ask publicly, I’m always happy to talk to readers by email.)

Note: Those who have not yet read the book will probably want to stay out of the comments for fear of spoilers.

The music of The Way We Fall – “Don’t Dream It’s Over”

The eleventh song from The Way We Fall‘s unofficial soundtrack is one I’m sure many of you are familiar with, though probably not this version — Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over”, covered by Sarah Blasko:

I love the original version of this song too. It’s been one of my favorites, for its apocalyptic feel and message of determination, since I first heard it as a kid. But I though Sarah Blasko’s rendition fit the book better. It’s a song for Kaelyn, refusing to give up, so a female vocal makes sense. And I think the stripped down instrumentation works well with the straight-forward way Kaelyn bares her thoughts and feelings in her journal.

Weekly link round-up – April 8, 2012

The best of what I shared on Twitter and Tumblr this week…

-Agent (and author) Mandy Hubbard shares a peek inside an agent’s life on a trip to meet with editors in New York.

-Author Sara Bennett Wealer on getting and listening to critical feedback.

-Some insightful thoughts on how to know if it’s time to give up on a dream.

-Author Saundra Mitchell on why the problem of getting boys interested in reading is not about the books.

-On a different but most likely related note, author Catherynne M. Valente on the unequal balance of power between male and female voices in the writing community.

The Ways We Struggle – Jaclyn Dolamore

Click here for an explanation of the The Ways We Struggle guest post series.

Joining us this week is Jaclyn Dolamore, author of the YA fantasies Magic Under Glass, its sequel Magic Under Stone, and Between the Sea and Sky. Jaclyn skipped college and spent eight years drudging through retail jobs, developing her thrifty cooking skills and pursuing a lifelong writing dream. She has a passion for history, thrift stores, vintage dresses, David Bowie, drawing, and organic food. She lives with her partner and plot-sounding-board, Dade, and three weird cats. Today she talks about teaching your mind to recognize the positives in life, when there are so many things you could be worrying about.

     

The Way I Struggle by Jaclyn Dolamore

I’m writing this post at the last minute because I’ve actually been struggling with what to write about. I first thought I might talk about my fear of flying. I’ve never liked flying, ever, but I had a flight going out of DC two years ago that hit a big rollercoaster dip on takeoff, and after that I really had to fight to regain my ability to go anywhere without losing my mind. It was particularly tested when I was asked to do a library visit in Dallas, because that meant taking on a certain responsibility to get on the plane no matter what the weather, because people were expecting me and paying me.

But then, I wasn’t sure that struggle had much of a conclusion. I’ve shoved my panicked self onto a plane, I’ve gotten better at deep breathing, I ended up with some FANTASTIC seat mates and smooth flights, I tried Dramamine and then succumbed to taking a mild dose of Xanax when the weather looked mildly scary (but turned out to be smooth anyway…hey, at least I actually managed to read half of a novel for the first time ever on a plane). I feel like these struggle stories should have a better ending than “when life gets rough, you’d better hope your seat mate is a really zen Hindu businessman, and if not, carry some pills”.

Could be worse mottos, I guess.

Then, I thought perhaps I would talk about my struggle with friendships. I’ve always had a hard time with friends. I’ve never had a best friend. I always feel like the girl everyone likes but no one likes best. But this is something I really don’t know how to talk about. Friends that I felt a deep connection with seemed to have no trouble dropping out of my life, and now I’m terribly neurotic about the subject. Plus, I’ll admit I’m not always a very good friend either. Although I can certainly be friendly and outgoing, I’m still an introvert at heart, and if I don’t feel a deep connection with a person, I usually would rather just stay home and write than spend time with them because it’s very exhausting to me to socialize with people who are anything less than kindred souls. This sounds callous and means I feel like a jerk with a lot of perfectly good people, and it’s one reason I like conferences and writing festivals better than intimate gatherings and regular critique groups–I am actually less exhausted by hanging out with a bunch of people at some huge crazy event than just one or two people. I don’t really know how to explain to people that I love BEA better than a writing retreat BECAUSE I’m an introvert.

Since that topic just remains too emotionally loaded for me, I thought maybe I could talk about my career. This has been a weird time for me. I just sold what will be my fourth and fifth books to Disney-Hyperion last year, and that’s been great. I’m not sure ANY book deal comes without some struggles, but still, the whole thing came together easily as these things go. I’ve been lucky, and I’m well aware of it. At the same time, my second and third books came out within just a few months of each other, which was surprisingly stressful. When my first book came out and not everyone liked it and sales were just okay, I got used to bad reviews pretty quickly, and they slid off my back.

     

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my coping mechanism was to tell myself that it was fine BECAUSE I was personally much more passionate about my second book, and then I thought my third book was a real leap forward as far as my growth as a writer. The first time I saw a review of my third book that said, basically, that it was awful and they couldn’t believe it was the same author as Magic Under Glass, in some ways it felt even worse than the first bad review I ever received, because my good old mental pep talk had basically been stomped on and ground to dust. When your first book comes out you have to face the idea that not everyone will like your debut, but by the time I got to book 3, I’ve been having to come to terms with the kind of author I am in general, and the fact that some people will HATE ALL of my books, will occasionally even hate me PERSONALLY (at least, what they know of me), while other people will think that my first book was the BEST ONE, no matter how much work I’ve put in to grow as a writer since then. And yes, some people will also think I keep just getting better, but as usual, those aren’t the people I think about when I’m laying awake at 3 am.

In the end I realized that what I struggle with most is my own mind. Some people have truly awful life circumstances; deaths of loved ones, diseases, injuries, loss of jobs or homes, things they couldn’t control that anyone would find to be a test of strength. So far, knock on wood, my actual life circumstances have always been good. I’ve been lucky to have many opportunities to travel (and worry about airplanes). I’ve always had a lot of wonderful people in my life, even though I keep mourning the few dear friends that drifted away from me, and I don’t always appreciate what I have. I can only remember ONE time in my life when I had no money some years ago, and that was only because I caught the flu and missed a month of work. I recovered with the next paycheck and a few months of very cautious budgeting. And yet I also can’t remember a time when I wasn’t worried about not having any money. My worrying-about-not-having-money to not-actually-having-money ratio is like 2000:1.

This year I signed up for a yoga class for the first time. I spend an hour thinking about connecting my feet to the floor, and movement, and breath, and then at the end we close our eyes and try to calm our minds and relax. It’s hard to calm my mind. I’ve gotten a little better at it with each class. I always leave feeling vibrant and happy, no matter how grumpy I was all day. My new mantra is to live like my brain is in yoga class. That might be the biggest struggle of all, but if I can get there, maybe someday I’ll be the one calming my seat mate on a plane.

View all the The Ways We Struggle posts so far.

Reader Question: Advice to aspiring writers

(From the audiobook giveaway)

What’s the best advice you can give aspiring writers?

I often get asked this in interviews, too, so it’s obviously a topic a lot of people are interested in. I think I’ve said most of what I’ll say today before, across various posts, so this may not sound all that new. But to put it all together…

1. Read. I took classes in creative writing, I’ve scoured books on writing craft, but honestly I think 9/10s of what I know about how to write fiction well, I learned from reading it. The more stories you read, the more you pick up the different rhythms of storytelling and figure out which feel best to you. You see what’s already been done, and what hasn’t, which helps you narrow your ideas down to the ones that will set you apart. You absorb models for structuring plot and character development and theme. You get inspired.

I highly recommend not just reading, but reading widely. Go beyond the sort of books you want to write, to what are considered the best works in all different genres. Different genres can teach you different things, and the more you learn, the more tools you have in your box when you sit down to write your own stories. It also helps you break out of the tropes and cliches that emerge in any genre and look at your plot and characters from fresh angles.

2. Write. Every skill requires practice. Someone or other once said that you need to write a million words of crap before you start producing anything worth reading. I’m not sure how accurate that is, but it certainly can’t hurt. Just like practicing a musical instrument teaches your fingers how to respond to the notes instinctively, and practicing a martial art builds up your reflexes so you can block a blow without thinking, practicing writing allows the skills to become automatic, so you can focus on increasingly refined elements of the craft. How can you focus on making your dialogue sound realistic when you’re not quite sure yet how to place dialogue tags correctly? Well, once you’ve been writing dialogue for a while, you’ll have worked out the formatting so often you won’t have to think about it anymore. And a while after that, getting the dialogue to sound reasonably realistic will be something your mind just does automatically, and you can start considering how to make each character sound not just believable but distinct from the others. And so on.

(BTW, this is why I think it’s important when getting feedback on your writing, to mainly get it from people at about the same skill level as you. To continue the above example, people who haven’t yet figuring out their formatting may have trouble telling whether your dialogue is actually realistic. And people who’ve moved beyond that to focusing on distinct character voices may have trouble explaining to you why your dialogue in general isn’t realistic enough, because they no longer consciously think about how to do that in their own work.)

3. Try to write better. It’s not enough to just show up, throw some words on the page, and declare yourself done. If you’re not consciously trying to work on your skills, your writing practice isn’t going to be much different from sitting down at a piano and plunking random keys. Be aware of your goals for the story. Are you hoping to make your plotlines more clear? Your characters more sympathetic? The pacing more gripping? Pay attention to how you’re writing, and pause and consider now and then whether you think it’s working.

It’s hard for us to judge our own work, of course, because we know so much more about what we intend than any reader will. So part of writing better usually involves getting other people to read what you’ve written. Preferably people who take writing seriously and won’t be overwhelmingly impressed by the fact that you’ve finished a story at all, and people who won’t be afraid to give you real criticism. Because if they’re doing their job properly, there will be criticism. No story is perfect. Even multiply-published bestselling authors have editors telling them to drop that subplot and make this character more engaging. Hearing what’s wrong with your writing is hard, but take comfort in the fact that it’s a process everyone goes through to make their stories as good as they can be.

The most important part, though, whether you’re reading over your own story, or getting feedback on it from someone else, is then to go back and actually address the things you or they have noticed aren’t working as well as they could be. Revising doesn’t mean just fixing spelling and grammar errors — it means completely rewriting scenes, taking out material and putting new material in, rethinking plot points and character motivations — it can be as much work as writing the story in the first place! But I love this part of the process the most, because it’s the time when I don’t have to worry about whether I have a story at all. I can just focus on shaping it up from that rough draft until it’s as close as possible to the story I really wanted to tell.

(I have some more thoughts on learning to write better in this previous Reader Question post.)

4. Remember that there is no “right” way. Creativity works differently for different people. Sometimes you may hear authors you respect talk about their process as if there’s no possible way anyone could be successful at writing unless they did things the same way. This is not true. I have talked to dozens of writer friends about how they brainstorm/outline (or not)/get through a first draft/revise, and honestly, the only thing we all have in common is that at some point in there, we put words on the page, and at other points we change those words to try to improve them. Trying to follow a process that doesn’t jive with your creative style is a sure way to end up stalled and discouraged. The best way for you to write is the way that gets you excited about the writing and results in you finishing a story. Figure out what works for you, and don’t worry about what anyone else is doing.

(Note: It can be useful to find out how other writers work, and try out their processes to see if you might discover one that works even better for you than what you’re already doing. The important thing is not feeling like a failure if those other processes don’t work for you.)

5. Keep going. Writing is a tough career. It can take years to get that first story or novel published. But the one thing that’s always going to be true is you will never succeed if you stop trying. If you love writing, and you want it to be more than just a hobby, be patient. Read. Write. Work at writing better. Send your stories out there. If people don’t respond the way you’d like, remember you’re still learning, still practicing, and still improving. As long as you keep doing that, you’re well on your way to writing stories you can be proud of and others will be excited to read.

And good luck! Because that never hurts either. 🙂

The music of The Way We Fall – “(*Fin)”

We’re all the way up to song number ten on The Way We Fall‘s unofficial soundtrack, that being “(*Fin)” by Anberlin:

Most of the lyrics to this song don’t fit the book literally, other than the chorus with its changing phrasing: “Aren’t we all to you just lost causes?/Are we all to you lost?/All you are to them is now a lost cause/Just all of us, the lost causes/All we are is all we are.” And Kaelyn does become a sort of “patron saint of lost causes,” in her determination to find a way to help.

But mainly it’s about the mood, the feeling of desperation and hopelessness and losing faith, that Kaelyn has to fight off throughout the last section of the book (not always successfully). At times, with so many dead and still dying, and no assistance from the mainland in sight, it’s hard for anyone on the island to believe their town is more than a lost cause.