January 19, 1996 (Megan is 15)

L also annoyed me today. Maybe I was just in an easily annoyed mood or something. Anyway, I was doing badly at volleyball, as usual, and L says to me ‘why don’t we switch places?’, ’cause she wants to win or something and I’m like, well, I’ll end up here again anyway, ’cause we rotate through the positions, you know. She is so critical of people sometimes, really quick to get annoyed when they’re not doing things right. (For example, I was telling her about the thing with that girl at lunch, and she was saying that if she wants to be with us in gym class, she’ll say no, ’cause she doesn’t like her and “she’s always causing trouble”. Personally I don’t mind the girl so much as long as she’s not being rude, and I don’t care about these things like doing well in gym. I mean, it’s just a game, who cares who wins?)

Anyway, I was thinking that if I wrote her as a character in a story, she probably wouldn’t recognize herself. Neither would most of my friends, or those who I know well enough to write (i.e., L, C, B, maybe Y, Z, [friend], [friend], or [friend]. [Friend].) oh yeah, and N, but I think she would recognize herself. But the thing is, would I recognize myself? Am I doing things that annoy people and just not realizing it? It’s very possible, and in a way that scares me, not to know what other people think of me. And I never will.

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