September 18, 1996 (Megan is 15)

The G.A.P. syndrome has struck. (In case I’ve never explained this, G.A.P. stands for Guys Are Pathetic, it’s a “theory” N and I have come up with.) I’d decided I should talk to F at the next possible chance. We had a quiz in History yesterday, and there was the perfect topic–ask him how he thought he’d done. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him during History, but then that afternoon, while I was going from Math to Geography, he ended up right next to me walking down the hall. He didn’t notice me though, or even look at me, so at first I said nothing, but eventually I convinced myself to speak. I said “hey” but he didn’t hear me. So I repeated myself and, feeling rather pathetic, sort of waved my hand in front of his face to get his attention. He still didn’t notice! I don’t know where in heck he was but it wasn’t in that hallway, that’s for sure. So, now knowing that I did not exist, I went on to Geography (he’d turned down a flight of stairs) and was grouchy for the day.

Basically, I’ve given up on him. If he is so out of it he doesn’t notice when someone’s hand is in front of his face (and I felt so stupid after that too), I don’t want to deal with it. I have this feeling he’d be B all over again, and I think I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime. Perhaps I’m being harsh, but I just can’t handle liking someone who most of the time will act like I’m not there (even if not purposely). It would shatter everything I’ve come to stand for. So f*** that, move on.

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